


Hope That You Spend Your Days (But They All Add Up)

by Miaou Jones (miaoujones)



Series: Hope When You Take That Jump, You Don't Fear the Fall [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Conversations, Developing Relationship, First Date, Flustered Exhibitionism, Friendship, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Secret Relationship, Taking Naked Pictures, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 22:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16027469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Miaou%20Jones
Summary: Sousuke and Makoto are boyfriends, even if they don't call themselves that. Even if they don't know it, until someone tells them.





	Hope That You Spend Your Days (But They All Add Up)

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate timeline to Season 2/Endless Summer. Title comes from lyrics to OneRepublic's "I Lived."
> 
> Thank you to everyone who supported this while it was being written on tumblr as the "holding hands" series. ♥ This fic is a slightly different version of some scenes originally posted there. It has been a ludicrously long time in the making, but I hope someone might still enjoy it...! Especially because there's at least one more part to come...

Sousuke likes to look at Makoto. In a way that was how it all started, with that backstroke start at last year’s prefecturals, the one Sousuke had seen only because "Tachibana, M." from Iwatobi was the only name he recognized in that heat, so that’s who he decided to watch. At the time he had only remembered Makoto’s name because how could he forget the name of any of the ones Rin had left Sano to swim with? But after that start, Sousuke remembered Makoto’s name because that dive was etched into his memory. It was because of that, that he’d dared to kiss Makoto in the pool when Makoto came to talk to him at the beginning of the school year. And that’s how looking at Makoto led to this.

Yeah, Sousuke loves looking at Makoto, and Makoto knows it. He doesn’t know how Sousuke feels about his backstroke start but he does know Sousuke likes to look at him naked. He’s still too shy to spread his legs and let Sousuke look between them, let alone kiss him there (the look on his face the one time Sousuke asked, not exactly horror but something like intense dismay, had been enough to stop him from suggesting it again, even though he really wants to try and he thinks Makoto would like it…).

But he’s okay with letting Sousuke look at his cock. Which is what Sousuke is doing right now, leaning next to Makoto against the side of the pool, looking down through the water at his cock. Makoto’s hands are on the waistband of his legskin, ready to tug it back up at the first sign of anyone showing up; Sousuke is sure no one will come in but it makes Makoto feel safer with his hands like this, so it’s fine.

He’s been looking for a while already but Makoto isn’t making a move to go. He never does; he always lets Sousuke look as long as he wants to, which somehow makes Sousuke feel safe. Maybe "safe" isn’t the exact right word but if it’s not, Sousuke doesn’t know what is. Makoto makes him feel a lot of things he doesn’t know the word for, and some things he does know the word for but doesn’t say anyhow, not aloud or most of the time even to himself.

Anyhow, sometimes Sousuke feels like he likes looking at Makoto’s cock too much. It’s not just that he likes looking at cocks—he does and he has the carefully hidden porn stash on his laptop to prove it—but he very specifically likes looking at this cock more than any other. His hand glides through the water, latching onto Makoto’s waistband to tug at it and Makoto obliges by drawing it down a little more, just enough to fully free himself. The distortion of the water, the ripples and shimmers, makes his cock look—there’s no other word for it, no way around it— _beautiful_.

Sousuke keeps looking at it as he says, voice low, "It’s not just your cock." He feels Makoto turn to look at him, feels Makoto’s breath against his skin, they’re that close right now. He closes his eyes, breathes in, breathes out.

When he opens his eyes again, he means to look at Makoto’s face—but he’s still looking at Makoto’s cock. "I like more than just your cock, you know." It’s not even close to what he wants to say…

"I know." Makoto is smiling when Sousuke looks at him. "I do know, Sousuke. And I like you, too."

His smile widens when Sousuke grins but there was something in his eyes in that first moment of looking up, something that made Sousuke remember that Makoto is used to being around people who don’t express their true appreciation for him with words enough; he had resolved not to be one of those people but he thinks he’s maybe becoming one anyhow. He means to take a breath deep enough for words now, but he only sighs.

"Come on." The waistband of the legskin is back in place as Makoto turns to grab the edge and hoist himself out of the pool. For a terrible moment, Sousuke thinks Makoto might turn and offer a hand to help him out, but when Makoto turns the only thing he offers is a smile and Sousuke gets himself out.

As they’re getting dressed in the locker room, Sousuke looks at Makoto, letting his gaze linger along the curve of his back as he bends to pull on his briefs, almost like the curved crouch of his dive start. "Hey," he says on impulse, "will you snapchat me when you get home?" They haven’t done that before and he’s not sure what Makoto will say, but if he doesn’t ask he’ll never know.

Makoto glances over. His smile encourages Sousuke but then he says, "I would," and just from that Sousuke gets that he’s being let down easy. "Except I only have a flip phone."

"Oh, that’s right." Sousuke knows that; it’s come up before, with other things. He focuses on his hands as they do up the zip and button of his trousers, hoping his disappointment doesn’t show too badly. It’s enough that Makoto lets Sousuke look at him in the pool and the shower; it should be enough.

"You can take one if you promise not to show it to anyone else," Makoto says. Sousuke turns to him, watches Makoto settle the waistband of his trousers at his hips. "And if you promise to definitely delete it after you..." Although Makoto still isn’t looking at him, Sousuke sees the blush crawl up the back of his neck; he feels heat rise to his own face, when Makoto puts it like that. He’s not prepared for it when Makoto looks up without giving him time to look away. Their eyes meet and, still blushing, Makoto flashes a grin. "That’s what you want it for, right? To get off?"

Sousuke nods helplessly.

Makoto gets that smile of his, the one that’s somehow pure without being innocent. "Okay." He turns to lean back against the lockers. "How do you want me—hard or soft?"

Sousuke’s gaze slips from Makoto’s face to his hand just as Makoto starts to drag down the zipper he’s just done up. He looks down as he pretends to rummage for his phone, even though he knows exactly where it is. "Do you think I could have one of each?" It’s impossible to choose. 

"Okay." When Sousuke looks up, Makoto reaches in to take himself out. "Is this good?" Sousuke doesn’t know how to answer that. Makoto’s gaze slips off. "Or you can put me how you want me." 

As Sousuke breathes deep to steady out his heartbeat, he takes a moment to memorize Makoto’s expression, to hold onto those words and burn Makoto’s intonation into memory. He knows Makoto doesn’t even know what he sounded like there, that he just has no idea how his words are affecting Sousuke.

He goes over and leans next to Makoto, framing the picture as he reaches for Makoto’s cock with his other hand. It would make a good photo, his hand and Makoto’s cock, but Sousuke doesn’t take it. 

Instead he kneels and looks up at Makoto. "Can I take it from here?"

The blush is back, or maybe it never really went away. Makoto nods. 

Sousuke frames the picture carefully, gazing at Makoto’s cock on the screen; he’ll get to look as much as he wants until he deletes it and there will be time to memorize the image before he does that, but he still lingers in the moment of taking the picture.

"I’ll get you hard now, okay?" He looks up and Makoto nods. A deep sigh expands Sousuke’s lungs, dissipates. He moistens his lips, kneels up and takes Makoto’s cock in his free hand, lifting it to lick along the underside, cradling it and resting his cheek against it before he licks the length again. Two fingers folded down over the phone, he reaches to cup Makoto’s thigh as he starts to suck. Even when he feels Makoto getting hard in his mouth, Sousuke closes his eyes and keeps sucking.

The phone slides upwards out of his grasp and Sousuke opens his eyes: their gazes meet; Makoto doesn’t smile and Sousuke doesn’t stop sucking. Makoto moistens his lips, which curve the littlest bit like his mouth wants to smile but needs to concentrate on breathing right now. On breath and maybe on words: "If you want, I’ll take a picture for you like this."

Sousuke isn’t sure if he’s only imagining the soft tremors in Makoto’s voice, or maybe if he’s hearing Makoto like that because of how he’s feeling himself. He closes his eyes again, sighs and hums around Makoto’s cock.

Moments later Makoto touches his head and says, "Okay," and at first Sousuke thinks he’s going to come already—and then he realizes Makoto has finished taking the picture. Sousuke kisses the tip of Makoto’s cock when he pulls off it. He turns his hand to accept the phone when the edge brushes against him, and sits back on his heels to take the picture he asked for. 

And then, even though Makoto has already done so much for him, he dares to ask for another: "Can I take one with more of your body in it?"

"Okay."

Sousuke looks up at him but their eyes don’t quite meet. He touches Makoto’s hip. "Are you really okay with it?"

Makoto’s eyes slide to his and he nods. Sousuke gets to his feet and kisses Makoto, kisses more deeply when Makoto opens for him. Sousuke steps back and starts to frame this picture, pauses as Makoto lets gravity take his briefs and trousers down farther, widening his stance more when they reach the knee. In the frame of the picture, Makoto’s elbows are bent, his forearms slanting upwards across his chest, and Sousuke looks at him directly: his hands are over his face. 

"Your face isn’t in the picture," Sousuke says.

"I know. I just...is it okay like this?" A deepening blush peeks out from around Makoto’s hands. 

Sousuke suddenly really wants a picture of him like this, just his face in his hands, but he doesn’t take it; he doesn’t even ask. "Are you sure it’s okay?"

Makoto nods. "I want you to have the picture. I just..."

"Okay," Sousuke says. He checks the frame before saving the picture. He steps closer, covers one of Makoto’s hands with his own; keeps his hand with Makoto’s as it drops from his face, fingers interlacing. "Thank you." 

As they kiss now, Sousuke becomes aware of how hard Makoto still is. He pockets his phone to curl his fingers around Makoto's cock, lips curving at Makoto’s thick inhale when he does. "Want me to take care of this for you?"

"I can do it myself." Makoto’s fingers nudge under Sousuke’s, and Sousuke relinquishes his hold. "Do you want to take pictures of this?" Makoto asks as he starts strokes himself. 

Gaze locked with Makoto’s, Sousuke shakes his head. 

"Do you just want to watch, then?"

What Sousuke wants to do is watch Makoto’s face. What he says is, "I want to fuck you." It’s not the first time he’s said this; it’s just something he says sometimes and Makoto knows it.

So it catches Sousuke out when, instead of smiling and kissing him like usual, Makoto says, "Nationals."

"...What?"

Now Makoto does smile. "If we both make it to Nationals, we’ll have a hotel room. You know Rin and Haru would be okay switching with one of us for a night."

Sousuke’s inhale and exhale collide, leaving him breathless for a heartbeat. As his breathing sorts itself out, he relaces his fingers with Makoto’s, stretches their arms overhead and back against the lockers, his other hand riding Makoto’s as he strokes himself off, Sousuke’s tongue in Makoto’s mouth as if to touch the promise.

 

As part of their training for Nationals, which are still an almost unbearably long way off, they've taken to running together. It started after one time when they were talking about the future and Makoto had said he felt strange about leaving Iwatobi, like he would somehow be running away... He’d trailed off in a way that let Sousuke know there was more to the thought, and also that Makoto wasn’t going to express it. 

Instead of trying to get Makoto to say what he meant by that, Sousuke had said, "Maybe you aren’t running away. Maybe you’re running towards something—maybe you’re running towards yourself out there." His own words embarrassed him so he’d had to look away. When he looked back Makoto wasn’t looking at him but he was smiling. It made Sousuke’s mouth curve up a little too, even though he didn’t know why; just for that smile maybe. "What?"

"Nothing." Makoto had turned to him. "Only I was thinking that even if I didn’t know you and Rin are friends, you would’ve reminded me of him just now."

Sousuke hadn’t really known what to make of that. "Is that so?" was the only thing he could think of to say.

Still smiling, Makoto had nodded. Then he’d gotten to his feet and said, "Maybe for now, I’ll just run."

"That’s a solid plan." Sousuke had stood up too. "Maybe for now, we’ll run together."

"Literally or is that a metaphor?"

But, because his words hadn’t sounded as cool aloud as they had in his head, Sousuke had already taken off. And so it had been left for Makoto to answer himself, which he did by catching up and falling into step with Sousuke as they ran.

So now they’re in the habit of running together. The first time Sousuke suggested they take a route along the water, Makoto had slowed, though he only came to a stop when Sousuke did to ask what was wrong.

"Nothing. It's only, that's where Haru and I run... Sorry." Makoto shook his head. "I know that's weird—"

"No," Sousuke said. "Actually, I think it's kind of nice."

Makoto's brow rose. "You do?"

Sousuke nodded. "You have something special that's just with him. So maybe." He hesitated, not sure about saying it aloud. He took a careful breath. "So maybe you also have something that's just with me."

Makoto grinned. "I have a lot of things that are just with you."

"Yeah." Sousuke's gaze slid away. "I just meant..."

Makoto bumped his shoulder, didn't move back even when Sousuke looked over. He took Sousuke's hand. "I have a lot of things that are just with you, Sousuke," he said, his voice as soft and serious as his smile. He tilted his head and nuzzled in, and Sousuke shifted his body for a better angle, one hand cupping Makoto's nape, the other still laced with Makoto's as they kissed.

At the end of their run today, they collapse in the shade of some trees to rest. After a while Sousuke realizes all he’s been doing is talking about Rin, and apologizes for that.

"I don’t mind," Makoto says. "He’s important to me, so I like hearing about how he’s doing. Anyhow, the first conversation you and I ever had was about Rin."

"That’s right, isn’t it." It had been back in middle school, at the annual meet between Sano and Iwatobi when they were first years. Sousuke grins at the memory. "Anyhow, he likes hearing about you, too." Makoto waggles his arched brow and even as Sousuke is saying, "No, not like that! I’m not the type to kiss and tell," he realizes not for the first time how good Makoto is at deflection when he wants to be. "I’m just saying, you’re his friend, too, and you’re important to him."

Makoto’s smile doesn’t convince Sousuke, so he presses on. "He talks about you a lot, you know. Sometimes it’s about you and Haru, sometimes it’s just—"

"About Haru," Makoto interrupts with another smile. There’s something genuine about this one although Sousuke isn’t sure he can fully trust it, especially when Makoto turns his gaze skyward.

More importantly: "No. I mean yes, he does talk just about Haru—but he also talks just about you, too."

There’s no smile this time, like Makoto’s mouth doesn’t know what to do with that information. Sousuke wants Makoto and his mouth to believe it so he says, "How else would I know you’re afraid of the ocean?"

Their eyes meet.

"I’m not afraid anymore," Makoto says, holding the gaze.

"But you were."

Makoto acknowledges it with a nod before looking away. "Did Rin tell you why?"

Sousuke hesitates. "I’m not sure he completely understood it himself," he says truthfully, hoping that won’t be the wrong thing to say. "But yeah, he said it had to do with the storm that took his dad, and also with Haru. The day—the day you two saved him."

Makoto nods again; since he’s not looking at Sousuke, it almost looks like he’s nodding to himself, and maybe he is. He bends his knees as he draws his legs up, folds one arm over them, stretches the other out and lets his hand rest on the grass, palm turned up, fingers spread.

Sousuke slots his fingers into the space between Makoto’s, nudges his fingertips under to curl around Makoto’s hand as Makoto curls around his.

They sit like that awhile before Makoto looks at him and says again, "I’m not afraid anymore," the words the same, the tone softer and more open than before.

Sousuke can’t help grinning. "So then, will you come swimming with me in the ocean sometime?"

Returning the grin, Makoto nods and then unfolds his legs as he leans over to kiss Sousuke, fingers still entwined, and Sousuke wonders if he’ll ever stop getting a hot thrill when Makoto is the one to move first like this.

As much as he was into the kiss, as much they both obviously were, when it breaks Sousuke can’t help wondering if this was another example of Makoto’s skill in deflection.

Makoto is looking up into the sky when Sousuke says, "Rin isn’t the only one you’re important to, you know." Makoto looks down, cracking a grin and starting to open his mouth but Sousuke is quicker: "You’re important to Haru, too." That stops whatever deflection was coming in its tracks. "He may not tell you or talk about it, but even I can see it."

Makoto smile turns softer. "He tells me—he’s told me." Even though he’s turned to Sousuke, he’s looking somewhere else, into the past; maybe at a specific memory. Like at that one time Haru told him, maybe. And Sousuke thinks he gets it, another piece of the Makoto puzzle: he really doesn’t know how important he is to the people around him, because they don’t tell him enough.

Well, Makoto may be fine with that but Sousuke isn’t. He unlatches his hand from Makoto’s only to cradle Makoto’s face with both hands as Makoto turns to him. "You’re important to me."

A fine dusting of color spreads across Makoto’s cheeks. He parts his lips but only breath comes out.

Sousuke swallows Makoto’s next breath. Kisses him slow and deep and breathless, feels Makoto do the same to him.

 

A few nights later there's a full moon and they walk into the ocean together. Sousuke thought they were going to swim, but they only stand there, up to their chests in the water, the salted breeze ruffling their hair, gentle waves licking at their skin as they stargaze. Sousuke thought he was going to have a thousand things to say to Makoto under the moon, or at least one, but they only stand there wordlessly, their fingers entwined underwater as they bask in the moonlight, listening to the ocean's lullaby.

They only stand there, together, and for a moment it is everything.

 

When Rin goes to spend the day with his mom and his sister, Sousuke figures this is the perfect time to do something he’s been wanting to. So when Makoto arrives, Sousuke hands him the camera.

Makoto looks from the camera to Sousuke. "Did you want to take pictures of me again?"

The corner of Sousuke’s mouth twitches up. He’s not sure how Makoto will respond but anyhow: "I thought you could take some of me. If you want to."

Makoto’s brows go up and then settle as he grins. "Really?"

Sousuke grins back, nods. "How do you want me?"

Fiddling with some of the settings and taking a picture—accidentally or as a test—of the floor, Makoto says, "Can you undress for me?"

Even though Makoto isn’t looking at him yet, Sousuke starts to pull up the hem of his shirt; thinking better of it, he turns around so his back is to Makoto. He undoes the top button of his trousers but then, as he’s pulling down the zipper, isn’t sure how sexy it would be to Makoto, how good a picture it would make, if he takes his trousers off before his shirt. So, leaving his fly half-undone, he goes back to the shirt, crosses his arms in front of himself as his fingers latch onto the hem, and bites his lip as he pulls it off overhead.

The click and flash of the camera comes from much closer than Sousuke is expecting. He starts to look over his shoulder, gets a glimpse of how very close Makoto is standing, digs his teeth harder into his lip and looks off. 

There’s another click, another flash, and Sousuke doesn’t move. "Sorry," Makoto says softly, "that was unfair of me." Sousuke still doesn’t move, even when he feels Makoto’s lips against his shoulder: soft, so soft, and yet Sousuke bites down harder before releasing his lip. 

The harshness of his breath fills the silence.

Every breath he takes is measured now: in, out, in, out.

"How long..." Makoto’s breathing drowns out Sousuke’s for the space of a sigh. "How long has it been this bad?"

Sousuke shrugs. It hurts a little but it’s easier than words right now. 

He hears footsteps but they don’t sound like they’re headed for the door. A glance shows him Makoto sitting on the lower bunk. Sousuke goes over and sits next to him.

"Sorry, Sousuke. I should have..." 

Sousuke doesn’t say anything into this new pause; he doesn’t know what Makoto should have done, either.

"I should have noticed sooner," Makoto says. The pause this time is shorter. "Does Rin know?"

"I don’t know." Sousuke turns to look out the window, even though the blinds are drawn. "I’m not sure..." He feels like he’s not sure of anything. Except he’s pretty sure Makoto has heard the crack in his voice just now.

Sure enough, Makoto says, "Do you want me to go?"

Sousuke reaches blindly for his hand, feels Makoto take it, their fingers interlacing.

After a while, he looks at Makoto. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Makoto smiles at him just now. But Makoto doesn’t smile, and Sousuke still doesn’t know what to do.

"Is this why you were so angry with me? About that two hundred meter free against Haru?"

Sousuke looks at him and he knows Makoto deserves an answer... He looks away again. "It’s not fair."

"Yeah—"

"No." Sousuke turns back as he cuts Makoto off at the first word and the way it's woven through with such an apologetic tone. "It’s not fair that I said the things I did to you about that race. It wasn't—Makoto, you should swim whatever you want, however you want. Just swim, you know?"

Something flickers in Makoto’s eyes before he turns away, and Sousuke has a sinking feeling he’s still being unfair somehow... "Swim for yourself," he tries again.

"Yeah." Makoto smiles but when he raises his hand, he scratches the back of his neck instead of his cheek, and Sousuke knows he’s still off. "Hey, how are you most comfortable?"

Sousuke feels pretty comfortable like this, sitting and talking with Makoto, but he doesn’t think that’s what Makoto is asking. "What do you mean?"

"Like when you sleep, do you have to do it sitting up?"

"Oh. Sometimes."

Makoto lets go of his hand and moves to sit back against the pillows. He bends his knees, feet wide apart, the hand that had been holding Sousuke’s turned palm up on his knee. "So, would this be good?"

Sousuke looks from the hand to Makoto’s face. "I’m not tired, though."

There’s a fullness to the curve of Makoto’s mouth now. Not that his smile is huge, because actually it’s not: but it’s full of something that warms Sousuke. "We could talk awhile. Or we could just sit here, if you want."

Sousuke moves into the space Makoto has made for him, leans back, feels Makoto shifting behind him to accommodate his shoulder. "Is this good for you?" Makoto asks. 

It is, but Sousuke can’t imagine it’s all that comfortable for Makoto. "Is it good for _you_?"

Makoto’s arm comes around, his hand covering Sousuke’s where it rests on his thigh, fingers slotting into the space Sousuke makes for them. It’s the only answer he’s going to get and Sousuke takes it.

"You don’t have to," Makoto says. "But do you want to talk about it?"

It should be an easy question and maybe it was easy for Makoto to ask, but it’s not easy for Sousuke to answer. In the end, he decides that what he wants is for Makoto to listen. And since that will mean talking, Sousuke does.

He tells Makoto about how the injury first occurred. How it got worse because he couldn’t stop. How he still can’t stop—not until he finds the thing he lost in the water...

"That’s why you came to Samezuka. To swim with Rin."

Sousuke nods.

"And did you ever—" Makoto breaks off to inhale.

Sousuke wants him to ask, because the answer is yes—yes, he’s come so close to it with Makoto; that time they raced backstroke he was so fucking close... He’s never told Makoto how much he loves swimming with him but he’ll say it now, if Makoto asks; and Sousuke knows how unfair he’s being by not offering the words on his own but he just—

"Do you think you’re getting close to finding it, swimming with Rin?"

Sousuke’s gaze slides away as he turns his head, even though they’re not face to face. "Not yet. But the relay..."

"Yeah." Makoto’s hand tightens around his before his thumb resumes stroking the back of Sousuke’s hand. 

"Even if I find it in the relay with Rin and the others," Sousuke says, watching Makoto’s comforting, encouraging thumb, "I’ll still swim with you." The thumb is stroking in rhythm with Sousuke’s breathing; Sousuke doesn’t know whether Makoto matched to his rhythm or if he fell into Makoto’s. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is: "I like swimming with you." He closes his eyes but it doesn’t really help. "You’re the first one I’ve really liked..."

"That you’ve liked...swimming with?"

Sousuke laughs a little, wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, leans forward so he can turn and face Makoto. "Messing around with." That’s not really it, though, what they're doing. Maybe not even in the beginning, although that was what he told himself at the time. He looks for Makoto’s hand, keeps looking at it when he’s holding it. "You’re the first one it hasn’t been just messing around with. You’re the first guy I’ve known, even a little, before..." He hadn’t even known any of their names. But after his shoulder went, he had to do _something_ with all that frustrated adrenaline. He was tall, broad, fit enough to pass without questions; it hadn’t been hard to get into places he was legally too young for. 

He doesn’t say any of that now. He doesn’t say anything. It’s a bad way to leave things, the way he trailed off, but he doesn’t know what else to say. Makoto is still holding his hand, at least.

"Sousuke..." Makoto waits for him to look up before saying, "You can do anything you want with me right now."

Sousuke has to look away from the way Makoto is looking at him. He tightens his fingers around Makoto’s hand. "That’s not why I said it."

"I know." Makoto’s smile flashes soft when Sousuke looks back at him; fades soft and serious: "I just want to be close to you right now."

Sousuke feels closer to Makoto than he ever has to anyone, his whole life. He can’t say that, though, so he kisses Makoto.

"It’s okay when I do it like this," Sousuke says, shifting to the side to lie down, weight on his left shoulder. 

"Okay." Makoto lies down facing him. Sousuke puts a hand under his shirt, fingers hooked into Makoto’s waistband. Makoto undoes his trousers, even pulls them down a little, but all they do for a while is kiss. Breathe and touch and kiss. 

The glances Sousuke slides down towards Makoto’s cock are getting longer and longer; he knows he’s been caught when Makoto takes himself out. But Makoto already knows he likes doing this, so.

Makoto touches himself now, a slow, easy caress. "Do you want me to?" Sousuke doesn’t look up. Makoto’s breath thickens, tangles around a semi-formed _uhm_. "Will you let me do this for you?" Sousuke doesn’t know why Makoto is so nice to him. He looks up, not sure what to say, knowing he has to say something—but Makoto’s shy smile leaves him lost for words and it’s Makoto who says, "I would. Really like to. I told you before." He inhales, audible and shaky. "I like it when it’s you."

Sousuke swallows. Nods. His gaze rests on Makoto’s hand as he starts stroking languidly. He didn’t know how hard breathing had become until he feels it ease as he watches...

"Hey," he hears himself say, "will you come on me? When you’re ready?" 

At first the only indication he gets that Makoto has heard is a thick inhale. Then Makoto says, "If that’s what you want?" 

There’s a sweetness that makes Sousuke feel filthier; but also makes him feel like his filth is okay. "Yeah."

"Okay."

As Makoto goes on now, his languid strokes slide into a faster rhythm, his breath deepening and quickening, his face flushing but not as hotly as his cock. When Makoto murmurs, "Close," Sousuke rolls onto his back, coaxes Makoto to straddle his thighs—and he thought he was going to watch Makoto’s cock, but he’s looking at Makoto’s face when he feels the slicks of come splash onto his belly. 

Unable to look away from Makoto’s face, Sousuke moistens his lips so he can speak. "You could be a porn star." 

It’s not what he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to tell Makoto how hot he is, how beautiful, how looking at him makes Sousuke feel like a better person.

"Only for you," Makoto says. He smiles through his blush as he looks away. 

Sousuke catches his hand. Makoto doesn’t look back yet, but he doesn’t let go.

 

They swim together when they can, of course. Even though they're both serious about training for Nationals, it's not uncommon for their swimming sessions to turn into make out sessions. 

This time they managed not to start until the shower and they're still going at it, tangled up in touches and kisses even as they try to get dressed, low laughter mixed in with hot and heavy breathing, when they hear footsteps and indistinct voices. They don't wait around to find out who it is.

Almost getting caught has amped up Sousuke's arousal and he's not ready to walk Makoto to the train station yet. Maybe almost getting caught has amped Makoto up too; the flush hasn't faded from his skin.

Rin is supposed to be out for the afternoon; "team business" was all Sousuke remembers him saying, and that he didn't need help. Anyhow the important thing is that the room will be empty, so Sousuke asks Makoto if he has to go home right away. When Makoto says no, Sousuke grins and says, "Then, do you want to come hang out in my room for a while?"

Returning the grin, Makoto nods.

Sousuke fumbles with the key only a little when they get to the room. He goes in first and, as soon as Makoto shuts the door behind them, Sousuke pushes him up against it and kisses him. Makoto pulls Sousuke to him, parting his legs so Sousuke fits between them as they start to rub and grind together, swallowing each other's breaths and moans as the kiss deepens.

When the kiss finally breaks, Makoto says, all breathy and warm against his ear, "Can we go—can you take me over to the bed?"

Makoto has apologized, more than once, for not being good at it when Sousuke has asked him to talk him off on the phone. But oh _fuck_ , how can this kid think he's no good at this kind of talk?

Another kiss is the only answer Sousuke offers before he takes Makoto's hand and walks backwards, leading him to the bunk beds. When they get there, though, Sousuke hesitates. 

"You don't want to?"

Sousuke soothes the uncertainty out of Makoto's mouth with his tongue, cupping the back of Makoto's neck. "It's not that," he says when they part, fingers toying with the whorls of hair at Makoto's nape. "I just don't want to break it. I don't know how much weight it will bear." He thumps the top mattress with his other hand. "But," he says before the dawning disappointment takes hold in Makoto's eyes, "this one should be fine." He sits on the lower bunk.

Rin's bunk. He sees the awareness flicker in Makoto's eyes—but when Sousuke lies back, arching so his shirt rides up as he reaches for Makoto, that flicker yields to the resurging haze of arousal and Makoto comes to him.

Sousuke nudges a knee between Makoto's legs and feels one leg slide up over his hip as he moves closer, pressing their cocks together. Sousuke is even more turned on by how hard Makoto is against him. He's hard enough himself that it's getting uncomfortable; it must be for Makoto, too. So Sousuke undoes his fly, breaks the kiss to murmur, "Okay?" against Makoto's skin, and Makoto nods and reaches for him in response. They start stroking each other off, trousers and underwear pushed down just far enough to give each other access. 

They hear the door; too late, Sousuke realizes he never slid the inside lock. He and Makoto roll apart, trying hastily to get their trousers back up as Rin comes in. "Hey, Sousuke. Oh, hey, Mako...to..." Rin trails off. "Uh." He turns around quickly. "I—left something..." and he just leaves again.

When Sousuke turns back to him, Makoto has his trousers done up. He sits up, trying to fingercomb his hair into place. "It's okay," Sousuke says, at the same time that Makoto says, "I'm, uh, I'm going to go, too."

"It's okay," Sousuke says again. "Don't—are you okay?"

Makoto definitely does not look like he's okay, but he nods. 

"Stay here, okay? I'm going to go get Rin so we can talk."

Although he's not combing his hair anymore, Makoto's hand stays on his head. "Are you sure I should be here while you talk to him?"

Sousuke wants to kiss him but he isn't sure Makoto even wants to be touched right now. "Yeah, I think all three of us need to talk."

Makoto nods again and Sousuke goes to find Rin. He isn't sure where to start so he holds his breath as he texts, "where r u?", hoping Rin won't ignore him; he lets his breath out again and heads outside when Rin texts back his location. 

He finds Rin sitting under a tree and drops to the ground next to him. "Hey."

"Hey." Rin doesn't look up right away, fingering the page of the book he's obviously not reading. He doesn't try to leave, though, so Sousuke sits back, resting his weight on his hands as he looks up through the leaves at the sky.

The wisps Sousuke has been watching separate from the slow-moving cumulus have nearly formed their own cloud when Rin says, "Hey," again. 

Sousuke looks down. Rin lets out a sigh, but at least there's a half grin on his face when he turns to meet Sousuke's eyes. "Sorry about back there. Just give me some kind of warning next time. Or at least lock the door, you know?"

Grinning with relief, Sousuke shifts his weight to rub the back of his neck. "Yeah, sorry. We just—" He cuts off the explanation Rin doesn't need. "Sorry."

"Yeah." Rin gives him a considering look and Sousuke tries to steel himself for whatever is about to come. "So. You two were together after all." He looks off and, without waiting for a response, goes on, "I kind of thought so a couple of times. But then when it turned out you were helping him with his crawl, I figured that was all there was to it."

Sousuke isn't sure what to say, if he should apologize again or if Rin needs something more than that. 

Before he can come up with anything, Rin looks back. "Hey, why didn't you tell me?" 

His plaintive, almost hurt expression takes Sousuke aback. "I—" His brow furrows. "You knew I was gay, though..."

With a dismissive wave for that, Rin says, "Yeah, but why didn't you tell me you have a boyfriend? And that it's Makoto?"

 _Boyfriend_. Neither he nor Makoto has used that word, at least not to each other. But yeah. 

The word itself as much as the realization triggers a heatwave inside Sousuke. "Well." He scratches the side of his face, discreetly feeling for hot evidence of the blush he doesn't want Rin to see. "We haven't told anyone." 

The downturn of Rin's mouth tells Sousuke he's not satisfied with this response, but also that he's not going to push. "So how long has this been going on?" When Sousuke tells him, his brow arches with an exasperation reflected in the exhale he pushes out. "That long? So then." He pauses to calculate, his tone turning accusatory: "You _were_ together that time I saw you at Haru's."

All Sousuke can say is, "Yeah."

Traces of the hurt expression linger beneath Rin's surface. "So then—Haru knows?"

Sousuke feels his own brow furrow. "No, I don't think so..." At least if Makoto has told him, he hasn't said anything about it to Sousuke.

"So you weren't going to his house to tell him that night?"

"No."

"Then..." The furrow of Rin's brow deepens as they look at each other. With a tongue-click, he turns away. "Fine, then." Once again Sousuke isn't sure what Rin wants him to say, so he doesn't say anything. "I guess I should call Makoto," Rin says, reaching for his phone.

"Or you could just come back to the room."

Rin turns to him sharply. "He's still here?" When Sousuke confirms it with a nod, Rin gets to his feet. "You should have said—seriously, Sousuke..." It seems like there's more to the sentence but Rin only lets it drift off into a sigh. "Come on, then." He arches an eyebrow, waiting for Sousuke to get up.

They don't talk on the way back to the room but, Sousuke is relieved to feel, the wordlessness isn't uncomfortable.

He's even more relieved when Rin opens the door and, over his shoulder, Sousuke sees that Makoto is still here, standing by the window.

"Hi," Makoto says. Before Rin has a chance to return the greeting, he adds, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, I don't want you to leave." There's an irritated edge to Rin's tone. "I came here to talk to you."

Makoto's eyes flicker to Sousuke before he says, "Okay."

"Sit down," Rin says. "Both of you, please, just—" He points at his bunk.

Sousuke sits first; for a moment it looks like Makoto won't, but then he does sit next to Sousuke, careful to leave space between them.

They watch Rin pace. Finally he turns, a solemn look on his face that Sousuke thinks of as his captain mode. "I don't know which one of you to say this to, so I'm going to say it to both of you." Sousuke glances at Makoto; the tension he sees makes him want to take Makoto's hand but that might make things worse all around. Rin looks from one of them to the other before looking off. His voice is low but clear as he says, "If you hurt him, you'll have to answer to me."

Sousuke turns to Makoto in time to see his mouth come open, his eyes widening. "So then," Makoto says when he finds his voice. "You're okay with this?"

Captain Mode resuming, Rin turns his attention to Makoto. "I'm not okay with the fact that you didn't tell me you were together. And I'm not really okay with the fact that you never told me you're gay." His expression slips, turning plaintive again. "Did you think I would dislike you or something?"

"No, I." Makoto swallows. Shrugs as he looks off. "I haven't told anyone. I just..." He sighs.

"It's okay." Rin's voice softens, his expression too. "Hey, Makoto, come here." When Makoto looks at him, he says it again: "Just come here."

As Makoto gets up and starts over, Rin steps in to wrap his arms around him. "It's okay," Rin says, quietly, just for Makoto; or maybe for both him and Sousuke, since the words are loud enough for Sousuke to hear. "It's all okay. You know that, right?" He steps back out of the hug to study Makoto's face. 

Makoto's mouth slants into a half-grin. "All of it—even using your bed?" His brow arches with the genuine question.

"Oh." Now it's Rin who blushes. "That—do you usually use my bed?"

Makoto shakes his head and Sousuke, still seated, says, "This was the only time."

"Because we thought it might collapse if we were on the top," Makoto adds.

"I see." Rin puts a thoughtful thumb to his mouth as he begins pacing again. "I guess there aren't many places you can go to...be together." 

He doesn't seem to require a response so neither of them moves to fill the pause. It widens into a lapse, the silence broken only by the soft footfalls of Rin's pacing.

Abruptly he comes to a stop, dropping his hand as he turns to face them. "All right. We'll switch—you can have the bottom bunk, Sousuke."

Caught out by something he didn't see coming, Sousuke only looks at Rin.

Brow furrowing against his new blush, Rin looks off. "Don't look at me like that. It's not as if you wouldn't do the same for me."

Sousuke can't seem to find the right words, or any at all, so it's Makoto who says, "You didn't have to do that. But—thank you, Rin."

Rin returns Makoto's smile, shifts to include Sousuke in it. "Just put something on the door when you—" He pauses, reorganizes his wording: "When I shouldn't come in, all right?"

"Fair enough," Sousuke says. He thinks it's more than fair but of course saying so would only make Rin uncomfortable. 

"Well," Rin says, "I guess I should—I'll just leave now."

"Actually, I should be going myself," Makoto says.

Even though he knows it's getting late and in any case it wouldn't be fair to kick Rin out of the room just now, after all this, Sousuke can't help feeling some disappointment at Makoto's words. "I'll walk you to the station," he says, getting up.

"No, that's all right. I'm fine to go by myself."

There's no arguing with Makoto when he smiles like that. "All right." Sousuke crosses the room, opening the door as Makoto comes over too. "Text me later, if you want." His hard-on may have gone away but lingering traces of arousal can't help surfacing when he's this close to Makoto. He leaves it at that, unsure if Makoto gets his full meaning, unwilling to say more with Rin right there.

To his surprise, Makoto dares to rest his fingers lightly on Sousuke's hip. "I always want," he says softly, looking into Sousuke's eyes.

"Ugh, just—you can kiss if you want," Rin says. "Here, I'm not even looking in your direction."

Makoto mostly succeeds in suppressing his laughter. He's still smiling when Sousuke, after a quick check that no one is in the hallway, leans in to touch that smile with his own.

 

"What’s that look on your face?" Makoto says when Sousuke goes to his house the next day.

Sousuke shakes out of his thoughts and turns to him. "What?"

"You had an expression... I couldn’t tell if you were smiling or not." Makoto smiles now himself, not shy but quiet.

"Oh." Sousuke rubs the back of his neck, wondering what his expression looked like, wondering how much to say... "Rin called us boyfriends yesterday." The words are too direct and Sousuke regrets them immediately. He searches quickly for a smile of his own so he can laugh it off—

"Then if we’re boyfriends," Makoto says, "will you go on a date with me?"

There’s a breathlessness to the curve of Makoto’s lips as he looks at Sousuke. Not like he’s holding his breath but like the breath is hovering just inside his mouth; Makoto’s teeth dig gently into his lip, flatlining the curve, and Sousuke realizes he’s supposed to say something here.

"A date," he echoes. He lifts a hand, points at his own smile. "Is this enough or do you need me to say it in words?"

The corners of Makoto’s mouth go up, deepening the curve of his smile. "I don’t _need_ it..."

"Yes," Sousuke says and smiles more, his smile not fading but transmuting when Makoto touches it with his own.

Osaka is far for a first date but Makoto has been talking about the aquarium there, which has some exhibits nowhwere else in Japan does, so when he asks where Sousuke wants to go, Sousuke says, "Osaka Aquarium."

Makoto can’t help smiling even as color rises to his face and he drops his gaze. He gets the blush and the smile mostly under control before he looks at Sousuke. "Where do you want to go, though?"

"Osaka Aquarium," Sousuke says, patient and intractable. 

"Okay." Makoto stops trying to control his smile. "Osaka it is."

They might have kissed again except for the arrival of Makoto’s siblings. "What’s in Osaka?" Ren says at the same time Ran says, "Who’s going to Osaka?"

"An aquarium," Makoto says. "And we are."

"We are?!" Enormous grins take over the twins as they look at their brother and then at each other. "We’re going to Osaka Aquarium!"

"Ah, no... This time it’s just Sousuke and me." 

"Awww~!" comes from both twins simultaneously, delight falling away; "No fair," Ran adds.

"I’ll take you another time," Makoto promises. Even though he has a gentle smile on his face, Sousuke can’t help thinking he’s hiding some disappointment of his own.

The disappointment lingers with Sousuke. When it’s time for him to go, Makoto walks him down the steps. "You know," Sousuke says as they reach street level, "I don’t mind if they come with us. To Osaka."

"Oh, they’ll be fine." Makoto’s grin is casual. "Don’t worry."

"I’m serious." Sousuke hesitates because it’s not something they talk about a lot, but this is one of those times he thinks it’s worth bringing up. "I know how much it means to you to be able to spend time with everyone before you graduate."

"But...this is our first date...?"

"Then ask me out again some time." Sousuke tries to coax a deeper smile out of Makoto with one of his own, and Makoto lets him.

 

The next weekend, early on a Sunday morning, they take the train to Osaka. Walking to the station, Ran takes Makoto’s hand but Ren announces that he’s too old to hold hands anymore. Makoto says it’s fine for now but when they’re changing trains Ren will have to. 

So when they’re making their first transfer, Ren takes Makoto’s other hand, the one Ran isn’t holding. "What about Sousuke?" Ran says. "He’s not holding hands with anyone."

"Just look at him," Makoto says. "Look how big he is." He starts to say, "He doesn’t need to hold anyone’s hand," but at the same time, Sousuke says, "I’m big enough to hold my own hand," and clasps his hands behind his back. The twins look at him doubtfully but his expression is serious. Makoto ducks his head. Sousuke knows he'd hide his smile behind his palm, except his hands are occupied with his siblings; he can’t help it, it makes him smile too and he has to turn away as well.

When they get to the aquarium at last, Ren and Ran immediately run over to the corner of the outdoor dolphin exhibit that's visible from the ticket office. "It’s Haru!" they say together when one surfaces. "Because Haru is a dolphin," Ran explains to Sousuke, looking at him over her shoulder. When Sousuke nods, she grins and goes on, "Rin is a shark, and the penguins are Nagisa."

"Because of his awesome rock penguin imitation," Ren chimes in, and then the twins imitate Nagisa imitating a penguin.

As Makoto shepherds them into line, Ran says that Rei is a butterfly but there are no butterflies here; Ren joins her in disappointment at that.

"There are butterfly fish," Sousuke says, pointing them out as they get inside. They look dutifully but don’t seem impressed. "Ah," Sousuke says, trying to continue the longest conversation he's ever had with Makoto's siblings and wondering too late if it would be better just to let it go, "what about your brother, then?"

His doubts are erased as they light up again. Ren grabs his hand as they drag him over to the orca. "Yeah." Makoto scratches his cheek. "I don’t know why though."

Sousuke gazes for a moment before he has to look away. It's not just that Rin has mentioned it; Sousuke felt the vibe in the water himself while racing Makoto that time. _Oh my god, this kid is an apex predator and he doesn’t even know it. Look out, world._

Ren is still holding Sousuke’s hand and Sousuke can’t help looking at Makoto: Makoto is looking at him, a smile lighting his face. "Ah." Sousuke clears his throat. "There’s also the sea otter for Momotaro, and ducks for Nitori." 

"We don’t know those people," Ran says. When Makoto tells them those are Rin’s teammates, who swim relay with him, the twins only shrug.

It seems they’ve lost interest in this game so Sousuke doesn’t say anything when he leads them over to the central tank to see the whale shark.

Ren makes a comment about how goofy-looking it is as it’s swimming straight towards them. "It looks like I should put a blu-ray disc in its mouth." 

"Yeah." Sousuke suppresses the disappointment he can’t help feeling. The whale shark turns as it reaches the glass, gliding sidelong to it. "It's—"

"Majestic," Makoto says. Sousuke looks at him to see if he’s joking, to give him a smile one way or the other: but Makoto is gazing in open wonder. Watching Makoto watch, Sousuke feels some of that wonder too.

They start at the top floor of the aquarium and spend hours making their way down the spiral that winds around the central tank, pausing frequently to marvel at hundreds and hundreds and thousands of fish and rays, at seahorses and jellyfish and seals and other sea creatures, and every time the whale shark comes near, they stop for him.

There’s an aquatic petting zoo right before the exit, which revives Ran and Ren once more, only to take the last of their energy. They’re flagging so badly as they head back to the station that Sousuke almost offers to carry them in turns, but Makoto catches his eye and shakes his head with a grin. So instead they stop at a convenience shop and Sousuke buys everyone ice cream.

On the train home, he and Makoto sit next to each other, holding hands.


End file.
